Posts Tagged ‘humor’

I found the first girl I liked after almost a year of being somehow uninterested in relationships. I met her at the office as a client and my goodness everything went so darned smooth and well that we were chatting like we’ve known each other for years the next day. Fucking great right?

She had a boyfriend, a childhood sweetheart. But he was in the army, and was in another state. Fucking perfect isn’t it? It was like fucking destiny decided to throw this old dog a bone.

Everything was fucking set. A few days later, she invited me to have dinner and of course I jumped in and went with her. Everything seemed smooth and perfect. It was just in the mall’s foodcourt, no biggie. It wasn’t a date or anything, but still it was just me and her and we had a nice discussion so it was as good to me as it could be.

She dropped me off after that dinner, I went back to my room so high in fucking happiness that I could almost throw up everything I just ate. I couldn’t sleep that night. I had so many plans. I was in love…

The morning after, I texted her the usual good morning and something was off. She didn’t text back right away and when she did, it was a simple good morning, unlike the usual thing with a follow up question and a smiley. I ignored it. Maybe she just woke up in the wrong side of the bed. No biggie right?So I just wished her a nice day and hoped that we could talk again the evening after work.

The evening after…..No reply to my texts…..She was online on chat but didn’t respond…..Days went on without anything, not even a single damn letter of the fucking english alphabet…..

I was going crazy. Did I say something wrong? Did I do something wrong? I played the entire event over and over in my head for days. What could I have said or done for her to suddenly go cold? I thought and thought and thought but there really was nothing.

NO FUCKING THING. HONEST. If you don’t believe me, FUCK YOU TOO…..

Anyways…..

I quit weed months ago but I couldn’t stop being paranoid that I begged my cousin to pick me up, drive me around, and score me some weed…..

As a last ditch effort, I sent her a long email with all of my purest feelings with the best words I can find. Still nothing…..

It’s been two weeks now. She already responded to me a few days ago, apologizing for being too busy with family affairs. After that single message, I never heard from her again. What went fucking wrong?!

I’m hurt. Yes, I’m a sorry loser so shut up motherfucker and read!

I’ll never fucking trust a woman again. At least not as easy as I did with her. I was too fucking careless.

Maybe that was my damn mistake. Was she just messing with me? I wouldn’t fucking know, but I wish I knew.

I wish I had all the fucking answers. As you can see, I haven’t posted here for a long time, which basically means that I have kept my anger within manageable levels but now, I’m just so fucking hurt and fucking angry.

To all you fuckers out there I said it once and I’m gonna say it again:

DON’T FUCKING GET INTO MY LIFE IF YOU’RE GONNA SUDDENLY CHECK OUT BITCH!

I recently watched Ninja on netflix. I was initially looking for an action movie involving martial arts and sword fights and I thought maybe Ninja Assassin might be nice so I did a search. Unfortunately, Ninja Assassin wasn’t available for streaming, and I didn’t have the dvd option so too bad. Anyways, I was looking at the related movies and found Ninja, with a really cool-looking poster. So, I went on and clicked to watch it.

I was in for a huge surprise…

I should have known that it would suck the moment I saw the opening in a dojo and the low-quality of the video despite the fact that it was just released last year or so, but since it had a really good poster, I thought maybe I should just keep watching.

To my eternal shame, I finished watching it, because I held on to the idea that maybe it will turn out to be nice eventually.

There were so many things wrong with that movie that I should really have stopped. Whoever funded that movie regretted spending money on it for sure. It was the lousiest movie I have ever seen in my life. Here’s a piece of advice:

FOR THE LOVE OF WHATEVER GOD YOU WORSHIP IF ANY, DON’T EVER WASTE YOUR LIFE WATCHING IT!

If you haven’t noticed, I didn’t use any cuss or swear words. I’m just doing a little experiment right now but fear not, we’ll go back to the F’s, the MF’s, and the S’s that you love so much soon okay?

Until then, keep J-ing off M-effer!

I was looking through Facebook a few minutes ago when I saw a very interesting post from my cousin saying:

“the fact that I can have my phone text for me as I talk to it is really gonna make me lazy.”

My fucking head just got blown off. She was using speech-to-text, which for the benefit of total imbeciles out there who don’t understand the obvious meaning of speech-to-text, means that the stuff you say will automatically be typed into the thing. If you still don’t understand that please just go jack off somewhere because you don’t deserve to have a brain.

Okay, back to the topic.

Let me get this straight:

So you’re gonna speak. Then the words you spoke would be made into text. And then, the text will be sent as a text message right?

Isn’t that like uhm…wait…A FUCKING WASTE OF FUCKING TIME!

If you’re gonna fucking talk and then send it as a text message, why don’t you just fucking call?!

Too lazy to dial numbers? Use some freaking speed dialing or voice dialing or something!

Something is really wrong with this damn world…Useless apps making humans more useless than they already are…

I’m disappointed. Two days after launching this blog I got more than 70 views in one day. Yesterday I got 5. The day before that, I got 0. Yes, fucking zero. What the fuck is wrong with you people?! First you fucking read my fucking fuck ups and now you don’t fucking care about the fuck I’m fucking about?! Fuck it!

Anyways enough fucking.I know I was upset before about my posts here getting more views than my other, more useful blog, but now that I’m getting almost no viewers here I’m seriously getting frustrated.

Another thing is that since I got to release my anger here, I’ve been mellow so I haven’t really got anything to post about. Plus, one of my biggest stressors; the bitch who made my job hell hasn’t been speaking to me lately so I’m really really happy. I hope all goes well and I hope she shuts up forever.

Okay that’s all I have to say for now.

YOU CAN JACK OFF NOW MOTHERFUCKER.

Yesterday I did something that I very rarely do: I burst out in my anger and told my coworker to shut the fuck up. Yes, I yelled at her to fucking shut up, in front of the patients. It was liberating really. Why am I not fired? Simple: The douche bag I’m working for is my stingy aunt’s husband. Yes, I work with my family. It normally sucks as you can tell, but sometimes it really has its perks. I can tell a cock-sucking bitch to shut the fuck up in front of everyone and just get a little talk with the bosses. I mean I got reprimanded, but it was so worth it.

I know it’s not really in this blog’s style, but today is a day of fucking days. I guess she got upset and decided to actually shut up. Seriously, she gave all the paperwork to me and didn’t help me out one bit. I got lightly yelled at by the higher ups. I got a bit more tired than I should be, but the thing is I was fucking stress-free!

Imagine every single day of your working life having someone telling you that you’re doing it the fucking wrong or lazy way. Imagine someone telling you that she could fucking do what you do much faster than you. Imagine someone telling you how better they are than you all day. Got a picture?

Now imagine all that happening at least six hours a day every weekday for nine months and that you endure all of it quietly. You don’t react, you don’t complain. You just sit there and pretend that you don’t hear a thing, that you don’t feel anything. Now imagine all that anger bottled up going out in one loud burst of “shut up!” and the the next day nobody talks to you anymore. Isn’t it liberating? I feel so fucking good!

This is my message to you little gourdita if you ever get to read this in your lifetime:

PLEASE DON’T EVER FUCKING TALK TO ME AGAIN!

I feel so happy. I hope she doesn’t change her mind and go back to talking. I just love the silent treatment so please keep it coming!