Just Because I’m Fat Doesn’t Mean I’ll Eat Anything!

Posted: July 12, 2011 in Random Senseless Anger
Tags: , , , , ,

One of the perks of working at my minimum-paying job is that we get free lunch thanks to the salesmen whose job is apparently to flatter my boss and tell him he’s the most amazing gift god has ever given humanity in order for him to keep using and recommending their products to our clients. Sometimes there’s just too much ass-kissing involved that I think they should just suck his damn dick to spare me the trouble of having to listen to all the bullshit being thrown around.

Anyways today at lunch, I wasn’t in the mood to eat because I think the food is just meant for cattle. Forgive me all you vegetarians out there, I come in peace and I’m not against eating plants. It’s just that I don’t fucking ¬†understand why there’s grass in the sandwiches we were eating. Last time I checked my humanity was still intact and I haven’t evolved into something that resembled a cow. I’ll admit it, I’m a real carnivore. Forgive me for finding it necessary to kill other animals and eat them. I was raised this way and I love meat so fuck off and let me be.

Anyways, it was all good. I just ate one sandwich and I was done. It was cool really. But then, my favorite coworker offered me another fucking sandwich which was actually really nice of her, except for the fact that she knew I was a fucking carnivore and tried to making me look like I’m some fucking blob who’s gonna eat everything I fucking see. I’m fat but I’m not that fucking fat okay? I’m just in between obese class one and overweight for your fucking information and I still got fucking hope, so don’t fucking try to make fun of me and make me look like I’m a fucking eating machine okay motherfucker?!

By the way, before you vegetarians out there who have read this decide to crucify my ass, let me again remind you that:

I COME IN PEACE. I’LL EAT ANY FRUIT OR VEGETABLE IF YOU INSIST ON NOT GIVING ME MEAT BUT PLEASE, DON’T MAKE ME EAT GRASS. THANK YOU.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s